What My Heart Wants To Say .....

Around that time Jack began to appear in his dreams, Jack as he had first seen him, curly-headed and smiling and bucktoothed, talking about getting up off his pockets and into the control zone, but the can of beans with the spoon handle jutting out and balanced on the log was there as well, in a cartoon shape and lurid colors that gave the dreams a flavor of comic obscenity. The spoon handle was the kind that could be used as a tire iron. And he would wake sometimes in grief, sometimes with the old sense of joy and release; the pillow sometimes wet, sometimes the sheets.
(BROKEBACK MOINTAIN.........................)

關於他和他之間....
人在蒼天下,人在青山間,人在野火旁,
他們曾經翻滾,曾經互毆,曾經流血,曾經狂笑...
最後,這一切都得藏放在心田的記憶庫內.
在藍天和大地面前,人是渺小的,他們的愛情是卑微的.
在好山好水之下,他們的歎息,風聽見了,雨也聽見了!


What My Heart Wants To Say

you're amazing, so amazing
have I told you, enough
you're my angel, guardian angel

god knows I've been blessed with love
but if I been gone tomorrow
would you know how deep my loves goes

have I ever told you you're the one
if the words don't come my way
hope its still love, hope it still shows
if the words don't come my way
hope you still know what my heart wants to say

words so tender
I surrender to this feeling
so truemy affirmation my inspiration

darling, I have been blessed with you
if the words don't come my way
hope you still know, hope it still shows
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know what my heart wants to say

but if I be gone tomorrow
would you know how deep my loves goes

if I was gone forever
would you know how much I care

you make me feel like flying and failing all emotion
that everytime you look at me, you see it in my eyes

if the words don't come my way, I hope you still know
if the words don't come my way, I hope you still know
I hope it still shows

if the words don't come my way, I hope you still know
what my heart wants to say

if the words don't come my way, I hope you still know, hope it still shows

if the worst don't come my way
hope you still know
I hope it still shows
I hope still you know
what my heart wants to say.....

sMs........

18/2/2006

9:25am
I am sori 2 make u upset, could you pls switch on ur phone n talk ?
i know i am very mafan n slow...
help me 2 change la,
dun just be angry at me..:(

9:27am
I dun wan us 2 b like tis la,
u hav tings u r not hapi about me, the we talk.
voice it up, dun keep it...
Or perhaps u finali realised how lousy a person i m..
Regret ???

9:32am
It seem every week i am injuring ur emotion.
Tings dat i do or tings dati dun do.
if there is a lab manual on how 2 work out a rltship,
i tink i could use one !!!

9:36am
Then again, dat why there is tis probation period,
if u r comfotrablewif someone,
u give both parties d chance.
6 months d longest in a company or relationship,
Both can terminate d agreement wif a single latter.

9:39am
Tink rltship is d same.
Bothparties hav d rite 2 pull out.
Mayb not as simple as a letter.
Time spent, effort put in,
it wil cos some heart pain.

9:41am
Stil if can't b 2gether,
better not get tings 2 ugly then break off.
good to remain as frens then not talkin at all.
Dun you tink so ?

9:45am
It seems dat i always got to express myself 2 get 2 u,
Can't reach tru call, sms.
u angry, i hav 2 explain tru sms.
Love u oso tru sms.

NIGHT B4 Valentine

you held me in front of mirror after we took shower.

"can you think of anything about us?"
you asked me and kissed me.

"emmmmm.....!!eeerrrrrrrr......!! i love you !"

that's all i could think about.

how are we gonna be after 3 or 5 years ????
is there a future waiting for us or just a memory...

i could not sleep that night....


(and we ended our valantine's night with a drink at fitness 1st in Leisuremall....)

dear....

You get to see me in things we like to do together..
Like fighting fish...

Each time I see one,
I remember us go hunting for them.

Each time I feel down,
I just remember you making that cute funny voice and silly faces i just feel much better,

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE :)

So DONOT feel blue ok !!!!
each day is a successful day for YOU.. :)

Dear....

a friend asked me yesterday in sms : "When are you at your happiest?"

i thought about it for few seconds,
closed my eyes, reached in,
and then I answered : "When someone that I love loves me."

that answer memperbosankan her. ha ha~~
then she replied.

"Peng you, you got guts to say that. i thought you would say when you are drinking or sleeping or something like that."

i didn't bother to answer her then.
i still think so, that's how I feel deep down, like everyone else. :)

Hey peng you, " i am in love right now !"

"平時一樣窗前月,才有梅花便不同."


Buddha, what does that mean ?
Buddha keeping quiet...

Buddha, you do not have love !
..............but, i do !



佛祖,這究竟是什麼意思?
佛祖無言,佛祖心如止水........
佛祖,你沒有愛情吧?
我聽見自己輕輕的說,可我有...

John, i do miss you very much....

How could I be wrong - The Auteurs

In my role as a groundbreaker
As a pallbearer, ah-ho
In my past life as a benifactor
My lost years as an actor
The stars are brighter
Are lighter than they have been for years
Those stars are tighter
At one time I’ve never seen so many stars

How could I be wrong?
How could I be
How could I be
How could I be wrong?
In my role as a peacemaker
As a lifesaver, ah-ho
In your room as a plan hatcher
A soul snatcher
The stars are brighter
Are lighter than they have been for years
Those stars are tighter
At one time I’ve never seen so many stars

How could I be wrong?
How could I be
How could I be
How could I be wrong?
How could I be wrong?
How could I be
How could I be
How could I be wrong?

A question.....

If to live is to suffer.
What makes you want to live?

Unpredictable...or ????????

To My Friends Who Are...........................HEARTBROKEN...........

Heartbreaks last as long as you want,
and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them....

Hey....

I'm come to visit u in ur email inbox!It's seems your life is a bit messed up and frustrating right now..
but, i hope that you able to stand strong and try to be calm at this moment...
at this time, it may feel as if nothing else can do anything for you, but i hope and i pray that both of you get enough courage to go thru this difficult times..

When things has happened, just face it without much looking back too much,
we all experienced this, if you are thinking too much,
you actually trap you yourself in a unescapable cage,
and the future is dark when your mind think it is,
so be positive then your will witness the rainbow during the storm,
and do your life better...

Listen my dearest friend,
if you have any frustrations that you want to vent out,
do always contact a friend, someone you feel like want to talk to....
(( me not a good adviser, but i can be a good listener...)))
I am willing to listen with a listening ear,
or maybe a "listening eye" reading your email to me. :)However, many of us are care for you,
and we wish we can over there beside you...

So....cheer up ya....
smile make us better, worry brings us to mental funeral...

with friendly love............................

Nerves

I lost all sense of my nerves....
I suddenly just want to do things differently.....

Why peoples look likes ignore me in the gym recently ????
omg, what have i done ?

I need to break free, I am suffocating,
for the first time since many years ago,
last nite I had felt like I was drowning.
Me never felt so emotinal in gym but i did last nite,
at least from my recollection of feel i never had that feel in the past.....

Sigh ! I am not only failed in relationship, also in friendship ka ?

So useless...........

Life is a fucking bitch........

satu perasaan

Pernahkah kau rasa ingin berbual-bual dengan orang yang amat kau senangi.Kau dengannya minum bersama-sama,hingar-bingar di sekeliling tidak kau pedulikan,kau duduk di tepi dinding kaca,di mana kau boleh melihat hujan atau cahaya matahari.Saujana mata memandang.Sambil bercerita apa sahaja.Pernahkah?

Pernahkah kau rasa ingin berjalan bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi,bahu membahu.Kau bercerita sambil melihat langkah kaki yang seolah sama,sesekali melihat awan putih di atas sana.Ketawa bersama dengan gembiranya,terasa lapang di dada.Sambil bercerita apa sahaja.Pernahkah?

Pernahkah kau rasa ingin duduk di sebuah bangku kayu,bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi.Kau bersandar sambil berpeluk tubuh,memandang jauh ke hadapan.Tetapi tiada apa yang dibicarakan.Dan kau tidak berasa sunyi,kerana ada dia yang sudi menemani.Pernahkah?

Pernahkah kau rasa ingin menghubungi orang yang amat kau senangi.Seolah percakapan-percakapan kau dengannya dapat melenyapkan rusuh di hati.Tetapi,ternyata kau lebih banyak diam dari bercakap.Dan kau tahu dalam sunyi yang mengisi waktu itu,dia masih di hujung sana,menemani.Pernahkah?

Pernahkah kau rasa satu perasaan yang sangat sunyi dan sepi?Tiada yang lebih sunyi melainkan perasaan yang sedang kau rasai saat itu.Pernahkah kau rasa kau bersendirian di dunia ini?Seperti tiada siapa yang peduli tentang diri mu.

Kadang-kadang aku merasai perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku suka akan perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku rimas akan perasaan itu.
Sunyi.Sepi.Sendiri...

(Copied from somewhere...)

Failed !

Ha ha !

I think my confession is not successful,
but never mind, the hope is still there,
even if the hope isn't there,
at least I honestly to myself and also to him,
at least I didn't resisting what I had feel inside my heart....

ANYWAY....

I am happy now........


(((aku tak percaya lagi, dengan apa yang kau beri....)))

nyanyi-ing............................

sELf-TaLkiNg

Hi juruteknik....

So in the end I ended my sick with the porridge :)

Yes, it was J, cooked me a porridge, I think this's sweet and thoughtful, if I like someone, that's what I would do so. No one would got to that extend if the love did not exist, betul tak..?? !! :)

Well, I hope i'll do something about it. It might be bliss in silence but sometimes procrastinations will lead to regrets. I certainly do not wish that to happen to myself. I've been in this circle since many years ago, and I realized it's really rare to find someone who will love (or like) someone without reservations.

Should I give myself a shot at it?
Should I just go for it ?

What i am still worry for ????

I dun want to adding this to my list of disappointment in future....

But, what i am so worry for ????

from,
Ooi Chong Hien

8-8-2005

Another Paper....

I used to think love could be simple. When two people share a feeling of mutual liking, nothing can stand in their way. If they work hard at it, they can work things out. Now I think it is dumb to commit to anything or anyone. The only way to success is to always put yourself above everything else. When you commit to a monogamous relationship, you face the risk of being cheated on. When you try to ensure other's well-being, you're essentially being unilaterally idiotic. The truth is it is so easy to take and forget to be appreciative. It is easier to hurt someone than being hurt.

How Do We Know We Like Someone?

How do we know we like someone?

Is it always LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?

i guess we can tell if we'll fall in love wif someone when we first met, if i don't feel a thing, then nothing will ever happen.

is it right?

((( Do we learn how to like a person? )))

wondering

how long l can stand ?
before I lose my sanity.....

JUST DO NOT KNOW.......

你愛我嗎? (do you LOVE me ?)

侍者端來新春花茶,
在杯裡翻攪的茶葉,是被輾過的春.
被保存了一季的新寵,新鮮氣味；
而我,是過季的舊嚐.

『什麼都可以扔的......』

我只看見透過鏡子自己眼裡悄然形成的烏雲.

你愛我嗎？

為什麼 ? 到最後,只剩下我的一廂情願????????

怔忡想著你酣睡時微微搧動的睫毛,
我選擇繼續在你眼底掙扎,不踰矩的.

仍將夜晚的攸亮當成陽光,選擇對著剝落的天晴說：好天氣；
在你翻轉將我擁入懷的時候.
一陣寒拂穿我的背脊,遲春偏涼的風.......

keranamu kasih

Kekasih jangan berduka
Yakin kita kan bersama
Hati ini satu walau jauh di mata
Ikatan cinta Luhurnya dijiwa
Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala keraguan
Sayang untukmu kukorbankan
Demi satu harapan
kepangkuan mu kaasih Keranamu kekasih

Hadirmu bagai cahaya
Damai resah dan gelora
Hati kita satu walau lara melanda
Asmara cinta Tiada hujungnya

Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala kesangsian
Cinta walau pun berjauhan
Kan ku kenang senyuman
Kerinduan ku masih Kepada mu kekasih

Dan keyakinan ku masih Kepadamu kekasih ..........

THE end

Tried to do so many things these day...
but got so reminded of you.

Watching "Friends", got reminded of you.
Wanting to gym, got reminded of you.
Decorating the house for Chinese New Year, got reminded of you.
Trying to fix my Radio, got reminded of you.
Going makan at Pantai Dalam, got reminded of you...

I need an escape.
Out of here.
But how? Where?
Everything is reminding me, that I am the one you dont want;
that your heart is somewhere else;
that I am me, your nothing.


你
這一走
遼闊的天地裡
就只剩我殘餘的

迴
光
返
照

這是最後一次和你告別請不要生氣我沒有笑容...

No...I'm not commiting suicide. I just feel like I've died inside. Whatever that is living are duties that haven't been carried out. I am living an obligation and dutifully serving life. I am grieving still inside and out. I can't breathe.

會有那麼一天
你在晨曦薄霧中醒來再尋不著我
或者生離，或者死別
總是要走的 卻 註定伴你風月一場


你翻了個身,你皺了眉繼續睡,
看不出喜怒哀樂.
你熟睡的樣子,趴成一個世界,
一個沒你允許誰也進不去的世界.
你輕輕的打呼聲又悄然彈起 睫毛捲成一片波浪,
我定定底記住,化成了白骨也不會忘記..

皓月長空 萬籟皆寂
與你死別,愿我因而重生.
心知肚明,所以離開的,都不會再回來.

I'm in nowhere and I really don't know where i'm headed to. Just drifting...

Dear Some one...

Until January, I was still thinking of this,
I worried, but I think I still love you so that i couldn't do anything...,
although our love has gone, but I'm thinking of you a lot,
and I just kept it in my brain only....

Untill now, I still confuse, who are the one to ended this relationship, suddenly....
But the fact is, I has lost two important persons on that day, though it has been far away...

Yes, I lost YOU and MYSELF....

-----------------------------------------

Do you know i can't sleep well everynight?
Do you know i can't eat well everyday?
Do you know i can't have good life without you?
Do you know i can't have good mood without you?
Do you know i've forgot how to smile when i am alone?
Do you know i've learnt how to cry?
Do you know i miss you??
Do you know......

Some one told me, endings can be beginnings, beginning is the light of hope.
The towes of solituddes is with me.
I wish some day I can ask
and have your voice again who once, answered...

Without you in my life, my life sucks....

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes,
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in

But since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by myside

If we ever say we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do ...

I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the fact I'm lost without you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues

I have to run out from this, I have to stop this.

I'm always a failure in this love world,
i quit it's because i'm no enough loving you?
and there's nothing i can do,
i don't want to force you to change just like i couldn't.

anyway, love is a dream for everybody to look forward, but i would prefer to escape.....