If to live is to suffer.
What makes you want to live?
just me and myself....
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Unpredictable...or ????????
To My Friends Who Are...........................HEARTBROKEN...........
Heartbreaks last as long as you want,
and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them....
Hey....
I'm come to visit u in ur email inbox!It's seems your life is a bit messed up and frustrating right now..
but, i hope that you able to stand strong and try to be calm at this moment...
at this time, it may feel as if nothing else can do anything for you, but i hope and i pray that both of you get enough courage to go thru this difficult times..
When things has happened, just face it without much looking back too much,
we all experienced this, if you are thinking too much,
you actually trap you yourself in a unescapable cage,
and the future is dark when your mind think it is,
so be positive then your will witness the rainbow during the storm,
and do your life better...
Listen my dearest friend,
if you have any frustrations that you want to vent out,
do always contact a friend, someone you feel like want to talk to....
(( me not a good adviser, but i can be a good listener...)))
I am willing to listen with a listening ear,
or maybe a "listening eye" reading your email to me. :)However, many of us are care for you,
and we wish we can over there beside you...
So....cheer up ya....
smile make us better, worry brings us to mental funeral...
with friendly love............................
Heartbreaks last as long as you want,
and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them....
Hey....
I'm come to visit u in ur email inbox!It's seems your life is a bit messed up and frustrating right now..
but, i hope that you able to stand strong and try to be calm at this moment...
at this time, it may feel as if nothing else can do anything for you, but i hope and i pray that both of you get enough courage to go thru this difficult times..
When things has happened, just face it without much looking back too much,
we all experienced this, if you are thinking too much,
you actually trap you yourself in a unescapable cage,
and the future is dark when your mind think it is,
so be positive then your will witness the rainbow during the storm,
and do your life better...
Listen my dearest friend,
if you have any frustrations that you want to vent out,
do always contact a friend, someone you feel like want to talk to....
(( me not a good adviser, but i can be a good listener...)))
I am willing to listen with a listening ear,
or maybe a "listening eye" reading your email to me. :)However, many of us are care for you,
and we wish we can over there beside you...
So....cheer up ya....
smile make us better, worry brings us to mental funeral...
with friendly love............................
Friday, October 14, 2005
Nerves
I lost all sense of my nerves....
I suddenly just want to do things differently.....
Why peoples look likes ignore me in the gym recently ????
omg, what have i done ?
I need to break free, I am suffocating,
for the first time since many years ago,
last nite I had felt like I was drowning.
Me never felt so emotinal in gym but i did last nite,
at least from my recollection of feel i never had that feel in the past.....
Sigh ! I am not only failed in relationship, also in friendship ka ?
So useless...........
Life is a fucking bitch........
I suddenly just want to do things differently.....
Why peoples look likes ignore me in the gym recently ????
omg, what have i done ?
I need to break free, I am suffocating,
for the first time since many years ago,
last nite I had felt like I was drowning.
Me never felt so emotinal in gym but i did last nite,
at least from my recollection of feel i never had that feel in the past.....
Sigh ! I am not only failed in relationship, also in friendship ka ?
So useless...........
Life is a fucking bitch........
Friday, September 16, 2005
satu perasaan
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin berbual-bual dengan orang yang amat kau senangi.Kau dengannya minum bersama-sama,hingar-bingar di sekeliling tidak kau pedulikan,kau duduk di tepi dinding kaca,di mana kau boleh melihat hujan atau cahaya matahari.Saujana mata memandang.Sambil bercerita apa sahaja.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin berjalan bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi,bahu membahu.Kau bercerita sambil melihat langkah kaki yang seolah sama,sesekali melihat awan putih di atas sana.Ketawa bersama dengan gembiranya,terasa lapang di dada.Sambil bercerita apa sahaja.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin duduk di sebuah bangku kayu,bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi.Kau bersandar sambil berpeluk tubuh,memandang jauh ke hadapan.Tetapi tiada apa yang dibicarakan.Dan kau tidak berasa sunyi,kerana ada dia yang sudi menemani.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin menghubungi orang yang amat kau senangi.Seolah percakapan-percakapan kau dengannya dapat melenyapkan rusuh di hati.Tetapi,ternyata kau lebih banyak diam dari bercakap.Dan kau tahu dalam sunyi yang mengisi waktu itu,dia masih di hujung sana,menemani.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa satu perasaan yang sangat sunyi dan sepi?Tiada yang lebih sunyi melainkan perasaan yang sedang kau rasai saat itu.Pernahkah kau rasa kau bersendirian di dunia ini?Seperti tiada siapa yang peduli tentang diri mu.
Kadang-kadang aku merasai perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku suka akan perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku rimas akan perasaan itu.
Sunyi.Sepi.Sendiri...
(Copied from somewhere...)
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin berjalan bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi,bahu membahu.Kau bercerita sambil melihat langkah kaki yang seolah sama,sesekali melihat awan putih di atas sana.Ketawa bersama dengan gembiranya,terasa lapang di dada.Sambil bercerita apa sahaja.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin duduk di sebuah bangku kayu,bersama-sama dengan orang yang amat kau senangi.Kau bersandar sambil berpeluk tubuh,memandang jauh ke hadapan.Tetapi tiada apa yang dibicarakan.Dan kau tidak berasa sunyi,kerana ada dia yang sudi menemani.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa ingin menghubungi orang yang amat kau senangi.Seolah percakapan-percakapan kau dengannya dapat melenyapkan rusuh di hati.Tetapi,ternyata kau lebih banyak diam dari bercakap.Dan kau tahu dalam sunyi yang mengisi waktu itu,dia masih di hujung sana,menemani.Pernahkah?
Pernahkah kau rasa satu perasaan yang sangat sunyi dan sepi?Tiada yang lebih sunyi melainkan perasaan yang sedang kau rasai saat itu.Pernahkah kau rasa kau bersendirian di dunia ini?Seperti tiada siapa yang peduli tentang diri mu.
Kadang-kadang aku merasai perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku suka akan perasaan itu.
Kadang-kadang aku rimas akan perasaan itu.
Sunyi.Sepi.Sendiri...
(Copied from somewhere...)
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Failed !
Ha ha !
I think my confession is not successful,
but never mind, the hope is still there,
even if the hope isn't there,
at least I honestly to myself and also to him,
at least I didn't resisting what I had feel inside my heart....
ANYWAY....
I am happy now........
(((aku tak percaya lagi, dengan apa yang kau beri....)))
nyanyi-ing............................
I think my confession is not successful,
but never mind, the hope is still there,
even if the hope isn't there,
at least I honestly to myself and also to him,
at least I didn't resisting what I had feel inside my heart....
ANYWAY....
I am happy now........
(((aku tak percaya lagi, dengan apa yang kau beri....)))
nyanyi-ing............................
Saturday, September 10, 2005
sELf-TaLkiNg
Hi juruteknik....
So in the end I ended my sick with the porridge :)
Yes, it was J, cooked me a porridge, I think this's sweet and thoughtful, if I like someone, that's what I would do so. No one would got to that extend if the love did not exist, betul tak..?? !! :)
Well, I hope i'll do something about it. It might be bliss in silence but sometimes procrastinations will lead to regrets. I certainly do not wish that to happen to myself. I've been in this circle since many years ago, and I realized it's really rare to find someone who will love (or like) someone without reservations.
Should I give myself a shot at it?
Should I just go for it ?
What i am still worry for ????
I dun want to adding this to my list of disappointment in future....
But, what i am so worry for ????
from,
Ooi Chong Hien
So in the end I ended my sick with the porridge :)
Yes, it was J, cooked me a porridge, I think this's sweet and thoughtful, if I like someone, that's what I would do so. No one would got to that extend if the love did not exist, betul tak..?? !! :)
Well, I hope i'll do something about it. It might be bliss in silence but sometimes procrastinations will lead to regrets. I certainly do not wish that to happen to myself. I've been in this circle since many years ago, and I realized it's really rare to find someone who will love (or like) someone without reservations.
Should I give myself a shot at it?
Should I just go for it ?
What i am still worry for ????
I dun want to adding this to my list of disappointment in future....
But, what i am so worry for ????
from,
Ooi Chong Hien
Sunday, August 07, 2005
8-8-2005
Another Paper....
I used to think love could be simple. When two people share a feeling of mutual liking, nothing can stand in their way. If they work hard at it, they can work things out. Now I think it is dumb to commit to anything or anyone. The only way to success is to always put yourself above everything else. When you commit to a monogamous relationship, you face the risk of being cheated on. When you try to ensure other's well-being, you're essentially being unilaterally idiotic. The truth is it is so easy to take and forget to be appreciative. It is easier to hurt someone than being hurt.
I used to think love could be simple. When two people share a feeling of mutual liking, nothing can stand in their way. If they work hard at it, they can work things out. Now I think it is dumb to commit to anything or anyone. The only way to success is to always put yourself above everything else. When you commit to a monogamous relationship, you face the risk of being cheated on. When you try to ensure other's well-being, you're essentially being unilaterally idiotic. The truth is it is so easy to take and forget to be appreciative. It is easier to hurt someone than being hurt.
Monday, July 18, 2005
How Do We Know We Like Someone?
How do we know we like someone?
Is it always LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
i guess we can tell if we'll fall in love wif someone when we first met, if i don't feel a thing, then nothing will ever happen.
is it right?
((( Do we learn how to like a person? )))
Is it always LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
i guess we can tell if we'll fall in love wif someone when we first met, if i don't feel a thing, then nothing will ever happen.
is it right?
((( Do we learn how to like a person? )))
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Monday, January 31, 2005
你愛我嗎? (do you LOVE me ?)
侍者端來新春花茶,
在杯裡翻攪的茶葉,是被輾過的春.
被保存了一季的新寵,新鮮氣味；
而我,是過季的舊嚐.
『什麼都可以扔的......』
我只看見透過鏡子自己眼裡悄然形成的烏雲.
你愛我嗎？
為什麼 ? 到最後,只剩下我的一廂情願????????
怔忡想著你酣睡時微微搧動的睫毛,
我選擇繼續在你眼底掙扎,不踰矩的.
仍將夜晚的攸亮當成陽光,選擇對著剝落的天晴說：好天氣；
在你翻轉將我擁入懷的時候.
一陣寒拂穿我的背脊,遲春偏涼的風.......
在杯裡翻攪的茶葉,是被輾過的春.
被保存了一季的新寵,新鮮氣味；
而我,是過季的舊嚐.
『什麼都可以扔的......』
我只看見透過鏡子自己眼裡悄然形成的烏雲.
你愛我嗎？
為什麼 ? 到最後,只剩下我的一廂情願????????
怔忡想著你酣睡時微微搧動的睫毛,
我選擇繼續在你眼底掙扎,不踰矩的.
仍將夜晚的攸亮當成陽光,選擇對著剝落的天晴說：好天氣；
在你翻轉將我擁入懷的時候.
一陣寒拂穿我的背脊,遲春偏涼的風.......
Monday, January 24, 2005
keranamu kasih
Kekasih jangan berduka
Yakin kita kan bersama
Hati ini satu walau jauh di mata
Ikatan cinta Luhurnya dijiwa
Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala keraguan
Sayang untukmu kukorbankan
Demi satu harapan
kepangkuan mu kaasih Keranamu kekasih
Hadirmu bagai cahaya
Damai resah dan gelora
Hati kita satu walau lara melanda
Asmara cinta Tiada hujungnya
Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala kesangsian
Cinta walau pun berjauhan
Kan ku kenang senyuman
Kerinduan ku masih Kepada mu kekasih
Dan keyakinan ku masih Kepadamu kekasih ..........
Yakin kita kan bersama
Hati ini satu walau jauh di mata
Ikatan cinta Luhurnya dijiwa
Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala keraguan
Sayang untukmu kukorbankan
Demi satu harapan
kepangkuan mu kaasih Keranamu kekasih
Hadirmu bagai cahaya
Damai resah dan gelora
Hati kita satu walau lara melanda
Asmara cinta Tiada hujungnya
Hati pujuklah perasaan
Jauhi segala kesangsian
Cinta walau pun berjauhan
Kan ku kenang senyuman
Kerinduan ku masih Kepada mu kekasih
Dan keyakinan ku masih Kepadamu kekasih ..........
Thursday, January 20, 2005
THE end
Tried to do so many things these day...
but got so reminded of you.
Watching "Friends", got reminded of you.
Wanting to gym, got reminded of you.
Decorating the house for Chinese New Year, got reminded of you.
Trying to fix my Radio, got reminded of you.
Going makan at Pantai Dalam, got reminded of you...
I need an escape.
Out of here.
But how? Where?
Everything is reminding me, that I am the one you dont want;
that your heart is somewhere else;
that I am me, your nothing.
你
這一走
遼闊的天地裡
就只剩我殘餘的
迴
光
返
照
but got so reminded of you.
Watching "Friends", got reminded of you.
Wanting to gym, got reminded of you.
Decorating the house for Chinese New Year, got reminded of you.
Trying to fix my Radio, got reminded of you.
Going makan at Pantai Dalam, got reminded of you...
I need an escape.
Out of here.
But how? Where?
Everything is reminding me, that I am the one you dont want;
that your heart is somewhere else;
that I am me, your nothing.
你
這一走
遼闊的天地裡
就只剩我殘餘的
迴
光
返
照
這是最後一次和你告別請不要生氣我沒有笑容...
No...I'm not commiting suicide. I just feel like I've died inside. Whatever that is living are duties that haven't been carried out. I am living an obligation and dutifully serving life. I am grieving still inside and out. I can't breathe.
會有那麼一天
你在晨曦薄霧中醒來再尋不著我
或者生離，或者死別
總是要走的 卻 註定伴你風月一場
你翻了個身,你皺了眉繼續睡,
看不出喜怒哀樂.
你熟睡的樣子,趴成一個世界,
一個沒你允許誰也進不去的世界.
你輕輕的打呼聲又悄然彈起 睫毛捲成一片波浪,
我定定底記住,化成了白骨也不會忘記..
皓月長空 萬籟皆寂
與你死別,愿我因而重生.
心知肚明,所以離開的,都不會再回來.
I'm in nowhere and I really don't know where i'm headed to. Just drifting...
會有那麼一天
你在晨曦薄霧中醒來再尋不著我
或者生離，或者死別
總是要走的 卻 註定伴你風月一場
你翻了個身,你皺了眉繼續睡,
看不出喜怒哀樂.
你熟睡的樣子,趴成一個世界,
一個沒你允許誰也進不去的世界.
你輕輕的打呼聲又悄然彈起 睫毛捲成一片波浪,
我定定底記住,化成了白骨也不會忘記..
皓月長空 萬籟皆寂
與你死別,愿我因而重生.
心知肚明,所以離開的,都不會再回來.
I'm in nowhere and I really don't know where i'm headed to. Just drifting...
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Dear Some one...
Until January, I was still thinking of this,
I worried, but I think I still love you so that i couldn't do anything...,
although our love has gone, but I'm thinking of you a lot,
and I just kept it in my brain only....
Untill now, I still confuse, who are the one to ended this relationship, suddenly....
But the fact is, I has lost two important persons on that day, though it has been far away...
Yes, I lost YOU and MYSELF....
-----------------------------------------
Do you know i can't sleep well everynight?
Do you know i can't eat well everyday?
Do you know i can't have good life without you?
Do you know i can't have good mood without you?
Do you know i've forgot how to smile when i am alone?
Do you know i've learnt how to cry?
Do you know i miss you??
Do you know......
Some one told me, endings can be beginnings, beginning is the light of hope.
The towes of solituddes is with me.
I wish some day I can ask
and have your voice again who once, answered...
Without you in my life, my life sucks....
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes,
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by myside
If we ever say we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do ...
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the fact I'm lost without you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
I have to run out from this, I have to stop this.
I'm always a failure in this love world,
i quit it's because i'm no enough loving you?
and there's nothing i can do,
i don't want to force you to change just like i couldn't.
anyway, love is a dream for everybody to look forward, but i would prefer to escape.....
I worried, but I think I still love you so that i couldn't do anything...,
although our love has gone, but I'm thinking of you a lot,
and I just kept it in my brain only....
Untill now, I still confuse, who are the one to ended this relationship, suddenly....
But the fact is, I has lost two important persons on that day, though it has been far away...
Yes, I lost YOU and MYSELF....
-----------------------------------------
Do you know i can't sleep well everynight?
Do you know i can't eat well everyday?
Do you know i can't have good life without you?
Do you know i can't have good mood without you?
Do you know i've forgot how to smile when i am alone?
Do you know i've learnt how to cry?
Do you know i miss you??
Do you know......
Some one told me, endings can be beginnings, beginning is the light of hope.
The towes of solituddes is with me.
I wish some day I can ask
and have your voice again who once, answered...
Without you in my life, my life sucks....
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes,
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by myside
If we ever say we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do ...
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the fact I'm lost without you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
I have to run out from this, I have to stop this.
I'm always a failure in this love world,
i quit it's because i'm no enough loving you?
and there's nothing i can do,
i don't want to force you to change just like i couldn't.
anyway, love is a dream for everybody to look forward, but i would prefer to escape.....
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Dear OSMAN.........
Just to tell u that when everyone is rushing ahead in life...
Thanks for pausing & giving a thought for me,
Your presence has such a positive influence on me.
I always believe that, sometimes,we are fortunate enough to meet truly wondeful people.
I am really thankful to life for having granted me the opportunity to meet u all...
This is what from bottom of my heart and would like to let you know...
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone here...
but except you, who else ?????
he he...
Thanks for pausing & giving a thought for me,
Your presence has such a positive influence on me.
I always believe that, sometimes,we are fortunate enough to meet truly wondeful people.
I am really thankful to life for having granted me the opportunity to meet u all...
This is what from bottom of my heart and would like to let you know...
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone here...
but except you, who else ?????
he he...
Sunday, December 19, 2004
sorry AND sorry...
昨天放工之後到The Curve的 FF去,休息喝水的時候有個人走過來搭訕.問我附近有沒有LRT Station.那個人說他不熟Damansara,所以沒事找事情做的我就說如果時間允許的話可以載他到LRT Station,不過我要先到IKEA走走.結果那個人說他可以等.後來他跟我到IKEA.
在IKEA,我遇見了Osman和Ivan. (Osman, if you see this, i want to apologize didn't join ur Pot Luck gathering although i no need to go KLIA.. :( and i want to apologia that I go IKEA actually to find a gift for you, but it was a such a terrible day for me in yesterday !)
話說回那個人,開始的時候是他跟我走IKEA,後來變成我要陪他走IKANO.我一邊走一邊後悔為什麼我要那麼好心答應載他..這件事情教會我以後不要在gym裡面回答陌生人的問題,要不然就會自找麻煩.總之最後我載那個人到Taman Jaya的LRT Station,然後到Amcorp Mall吃Kenny's Roger.
晚餐過後走進了大眾書局,在擺賣名信片的旋轉架上選著明信片.旁邊顯眼的賀卡,提醒著下個星期,就是聖誕節了. 走出Amcorp Mall,白天的道路換上晚裝,同樣的路,白天和黑夜一樣的繁華.街燈的照燿,以一種寫意的姿態沿上思念的背景.雨剛下過,來來往往的行人吹著冷風稍微的畏縮.涼涼的!
因為這樣讓我想起在它國的那一個孤單影子被拉得好長的初春夜晚.我領著依然溫熱的炒飯離開餐館走向車站,回不屬於我的家.而這一次我拿著剛買的名信片,有了一樣的心情.若能,只想站在街頭,哪兒都不去... 至於明信片,今早寫上了祝福的句子,可是該寄給誰好呢?給J嗎?假想他們路過他家的街頭巷尾,雲淡風清..至於一起歡慶佳節,未來的日子,我想已經沒有可能,那麼以前的那一次,將會是我(們)今生,唯一的一次.
天氣涼了,雨水也多了,你好嗎?我還好. 沒有你的日子,聳聳肩,總算還過得去.... 祝他快樂,
我想念他,雖然這一句話只能講在這裡....
在IKEA,我遇見了Osman和Ivan. (Osman, if you see this, i want to apologize didn't join ur Pot Luck gathering although i no need to go KLIA.. :( and i want to apologia that I go IKEA actually to find a gift for you, but it was a such a terrible day for me in yesterday !)
話說回那個人,開始的時候是他跟我走IKEA,後來變成我要陪他走IKANO.我一邊走一邊後悔為什麼我要那麼好心答應載他..這件事情教會我以後不要在gym裡面回答陌生人的問題,要不然就會自找麻煩.總之最後我載那個人到Taman Jaya的LRT Station,然後到Amcorp Mall吃Kenny's Roger.
晚餐過後走進了大眾書局,在擺賣名信片的旋轉架上選著明信片.旁邊顯眼的賀卡,提醒著下個星期,就是聖誕節了. 走出Amcorp Mall,白天的道路換上晚裝,同樣的路,白天和黑夜一樣的繁華.街燈的照燿,以一種寫意的姿態沿上思念的背景.雨剛下過,來來往往的行人吹著冷風稍微的畏縮.涼涼的!
因為這樣讓我想起在它國的那一個孤單影子被拉得好長的初春夜晚.我領著依然溫熱的炒飯離開餐館走向車站,回不屬於我的家.而這一次我拿著剛買的名信片,有了一樣的心情.若能,只想站在街頭,哪兒都不去... 至於明信片,今早寫上了祝福的句子,可是該寄給誰好呢?給J嗎?假想他們路過他家的街頭巷尾,雲淡風清..至於一起歡慶佳節,未來的日子,我想已經沒有可能,那麼以前的那一次,將會是我(們)今生,唯一的一次.
天氣涼了,雨水也多了,你好嗎?我還好. 沒有你的日子,聳聳肩,總算還過得去.... 祝他快樂,
我想念他,雖然這一句話只能講在這裡....
Friday, December 17, 2004
給S(你還記得海蚯蚓嗎?)
http://mypaper.pchome.com.tw/news/chonghien1/3/1032584/20020611110715/
那時候,我們喜歡結伴到海邊釣魚,於是我們學會了捉海蚯蚓. 在海邊的泥沼地帶,我們赤著上身,穿著短褲,在海蚯蚓的洞穴口外,撒下了用來喂雞的玉米飼料,你拍了拍我的背,裝出一個老師的樣子和我說:"捉蚯蚓要眼明手快,膽大心細.....".你帶上沾了飼料的布手套,把姆指和食指靜靜的守在洞口外,當蚯蚓探出頭來,貪婪的吸食著手套上的飼料時,你快速的雙指一夾,夾緊了蚯蚓的頭,一場人與蚯蚓的拉拔戰就這樣的開始了.. 你的嘴巴沒有因此閒著,你繼續說:"拉蚯蚓要用內力,力道要似有還無的推運...."於是我看著你專注而緩慢的將一條軟軟的海蚯蚓,愈拉愈長...你還是沒有忘記繼續給于教導:"不能心急,要和蚯蚓鬥耐力,因為心一急,力道用了過度,蚯蚓就會被扯斷…" 那數十個白雲朵朵的午後,可憐的蚯蚓不知道被我拉斷了多少隻,老是讓旁邊的你不停的直呼可惜啊...可惜.....捉完蚯蚓之後,惹了一身污泥的我們,就找了一個乾淨的沙灘,沖一個屬於大自然的海水涼.哪怕海風把我吹得冷得微微發抖,我依然因為有你真心的陪伴而感到溫暖. 在那個學期,英文課的presentation,你選了這個題材來演講."How to catch Umpan-Umpan", (Umpan-Umpan就是海蚯蚓的馬來文名字.)那一課,讓全班人笑得差一點就回不過氣來.你站在講台上,貼上了我們花了幾個晚上畫出來的”捉蚯蚓圖”,然後把鞋帶當成海蚯蚓.一邊裝模作樣的將鞋帶愈拉愈長,一邊重覆著每一句你曾經在海邊和我說過的話:"捉蚯蚓要眼明手快,膽大心細......." 我安靜的坐在坐位上,循著你聲音的方向,回到了那一段一段,兩腳踩在髒兮兮的污泥上的回憶. 其實,在我們回家的路上,是可以看見有人在賣海蚯蚓的,一小瓶滿滿的只需要很便宜的兩塊錢.但是我謝謝你,一直不厭其煩的常常帶我去捉蚯蚓,並且給了我這麼一段珍貴的,捉蚯蚓回憶.. 是的,因而我不再覺得蚯蚓惡心,骯髒. 那一年,沒有枉費我獨自一人心驚膽怯的騎單車去到了那遙遠的西南方學府.在意料之中,我遇見了海,在意料之外的,還遇見了一個好朋友.於是在那一段相知相惜的日子裡,我保留了與你全部的記憶.
那時候,我們喜歡結伴到海邊釣魚,於是我們學會了捉海蚯蚓. 在海邊的泥沼地帶,我們赤著上身,穿著短褲,在海蚯蚓的洞穴口外,撒下了用來喂雞的玉米飼料,你拍了拍我的背,裝出一個老師的樣子和我說:"捉蚯蚓要眼明手快,膽大心細.....".你帶上沾了飼料的布手套,把姆指和食指靜靜的守在洞口外,當蚯蚓探出頭來,貪婪的吸食著手套上的飼料時,你快速的雙指一夾,夾緊了蚯蚓的頭,一場人與蚯蚓的拉拔戰就這樣的開始了.. 你的嘴巴沒有因此閒著,你繼續說:"拉蚯蚓要用內力,力道要似有還無的推運...."於是我看著你專注而緩慢的將一條軟軟的海蚯蚓,愈拉愈長...你還是沒有忘記繼續給于教導:"不能心急,要和蚯蚓鬥耐力,因為心一急,力道用了過度,蚯蚓就會被扯斷…" 那數十個白雲朵朵的午後,可憐的蚯蚓不知道被我拉斷了多少隻,老是讓旁邊的你不停的直呼可惜啊...可惜.....捉完蚯蚓之後,惹了一身污泥的我們,就找了一個乾淨的沙灘,沖一個屬於大自然的海水涼.哪怕海風把我吹得冷得微微發抖,我依然因為有你真心的陪伴而感到溫暖. 在那個學期,英文課的presentation,你選了這個題材來演講."How to catch Umpan-Umpan", (Umpan-Umpan就是海蚯蚓的馬來文名字.)那一課,讓全班人笑得差一點就回不過氣來.你站在講台上,貼上了我們花了幾個晚上畫出來的”捉蚯蚓圖”,然後把鞋帶當成海蚯蚓.一邊裝模作樣的將鞋帶愈拉愈長,一邊重覆著每一句你曾經在海邊和我說過的話:"捉蚯蚓要眼明手快,膽大心細......." 我安靜的坐在坐位上,循著你聲音的方向,回到了那一段一段,兩腳踩在髒兮兮的污泥上的回憶. 其實,在我們回家的路上,是可以看見有人在賣海蚯蚓的,一小瓶滿滿的只需要很便宜的兩塊錢.但是我謝謝你,一直不厭其煩的常常帶我去捉蚯蚓,並且給了我這麼一段珍貴的,捉蚯蚓回憶.. 是的,因而我不再覺得蚯蚓惡心,骯髒. 那一年,沒有枉費我獨自一人心驚膽怯的騎單車去到了那遙遠的西南方學府.在意料之中,我遇見了海,在意料之外的,還遇見了一個好朋友.於是在那一段相知相惜的日子裡,我保留了與你全部的記憶.
Monday, December 13, 2004
T H A N K S Y O U
What is the impetus for life after all ?
I wonder who can resist from manifesting symptoms of depression when enduring such a relentlessly torment and inhumane life.
But....
Here you are with me...
THANKS YOU
I wonder who can resist from manifesting symptoms of depression when enduring such a relentlessly torment and inhumane life.
But....
Here you are with me...
THANKS YOU
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
It's so, yeah, fuckin' empty......
How can I LEARN something I don't think to be true?
or at least of use? Suffering of some kind, really...
and you know the key is not on my hand....
or at least of use? Suffering of some kind, really...
and you know the key is not on my hand....
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
1-12-2004
Happy Birthday to you,
do have a happy lifes ahead.......
祝福你生日快樂,你傳來信息說謝謝,我看著那則信息也只是笑笑而已.不知道怎麼哭才可以適當,所以就乾脆站在鏡前反覆練習笑容.原來不喜歡一個人了,什麼都可以拿來當藉口.
當時是你不夠勇敢和我繼續維持這段感情,我也從不勉強你繼續的虛情假意.剩下的力氣全都拿來拒絕和你繼續當朋友,這樣我才能發現自己有多喜歡你的心會難過多久.
而真正沒有說出口的是,如果再在一起,你要我怎麼面對,你有可能再拋下我一個人的事情.你這雙手,我覺得自己不值得牽,那任何話語都是種安慰,並且成了最好的藉口,而我們就是擱淺再也無法前進了而已.
愛情就這樣夭折在愛到一半的路上,曾經牽過的手的溫暖,我都會學著忘記,然後提醒自己別再把心交給誰.
Happy Birthday to you,
do have a happy lifes ahead.......
祝福你生日快樂,你傳來信息說謝謝,我看著那則信息也只是笑笑而已.不知道怎麼哭才可以適當,所以就乾脆站在鏡前反覆練習笑容.原來不喜歡一個人了,什麼都可以拿來當藉口.
當時是你不夠勇敢和我繼續維持這段感情,我也從不勉強你繼續的虛情假意.剩下的力氣全都拿來拒絕和你繼續當朋友,這樣我才能發現自己有多喜歡你的心會難過多久.
而真正沒有說出口的是,如果再在一起,你要我怎麼面對,你有可能再拋下我一個人的事情.你這雙手,我覺得自己不值得牽,那任何話語都是種安慰,並且成了最好的藉口,而我們就是擱淺再也無法前進了而已.
愛情就這樣夭折在愛到一半的路上,曾經牽過的手的溫暖,我都會學著忘記,然後提醒自己別再把心交給誰.
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